even the eighth

day 8: where in your life do you need to slow down & take your time?

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     I've always been a hasty person. Anyone that knows me is constantly referencing my impatience, and I want to deny it. But catch me walking into Walmart behind an 80-year-old on an unsuspecting Tuesday and you'll observe a moment where I snap, sidestep, and scurry on by. I've got places to be. I'm a notorious speeder; my mom's always like, "Mario, slow down." Well... I've got places to be. 

     Not so much now, but K-12 I was obnoxious with trying to be the first one to finish tests. And my teachers begged me to slow down; that I'm very smart but I skip over important information because I'm going too fast. I ignored them.

     When I first started partying at 14 years old, I mostly drank alcohol. Within a couple years, I cared more about marijuana and being stoned. After another year or so, I did cocaine for the first time and loved it. At age 21, I did lysergic acid diethylamide for the first time (LSD really changed my perspective on a lot of things). I tried dimethyltryptamine for the first time two years later, which... DMT is by far my favorite drug. So as you can see, that timeline escalated quite quickly.

     When I was 23, I started seeing a guy I'd distantly known for three years or so. We were talking in December, in a relationship by March, and living together by June. We broke up by July. So yeah... that one-year lease was the biggest awakening of our lives. [He and I are great friends now but, oh fuck, that was a tumultuous era.] I don't even know that I've learned too much, because I've been dating my current boyfriend for 6 months and I've said: "...we could have child together." Brings this to mind:

     I also get in modes where I scroll through TikTok for two or more hours filling my mind with history lessons, comedic bits, and inspirational TED Talks. I can do the same thing with Instagram, fixating on celebrity make-up, obscure art, and social justice posts. I watch movies back-to-back and constantly have my Spotify playlists playing as the soundtrack to my life. Just recently my mom shut off the tv and I asked her why, to which she said, "Why can't we have some quiet?”

     "Because a thought or emotion might arise and then I'll have to deal with it," I joked, though I wasn't. I can keep my surroundings going 80 miles an hour so I keep discomfort at bay but we all know that's not sustainable. I need to slow down and take my time in so many aspects of my life. The whole thing should really be put on a leash so I can only go the length the cosmic rope allows. I'll say this is most applicable with my attention: it would be beneficial if I concentrated on being present and kept my instant gratification monster a football field away.