streams

      A song came on the radio and the lyrics really spoke to me in that unique way only music can so I picked up my phone to use Shazam, temporarily catching the moment until I had time to add it to a playlist: "I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser / midnights become my afternoons / when my depression works the graveyard shift, all of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room / I should not be left to my own devices / they come with prices and vices".

      Anti-Hero by Taylor Swift. Oh no!!!! Oh fuck no. Please no. The embarrassment I felt for identifying with that bitch. There are no words. The kind of thing I should take to my grave.

      When I was in high school, songs on the radio were hittin'. Rihanna, Britney Spears, The Black Eyed Peas, Beyoncé, T.I., T-Pain, Akon, The Pussycat Dolls, Flo-Rida... Hip-hop, or more mainstream versions, had this breakthrough where it was normal to hear Kanye West or Drake songs on your favorite station. White people were killin' it too: Lady Gaga, Justin Beiber, Ke$ha, Paramore, Katy Perry, Adele. I have a lot of great memories that surface when I listen to those songs. 

      There were negative sides I didn't enjoy. Songs like "Dynamite" by Taio Cruz, "Ridin' Solo" by Jason Derulo, anything by Chris Brown since 2009, "Good Girls Go Bad" by Cobra Starship, "Replay" by Iyaz.... They all sound like different versions of the same boring tune. Some artists opted to do features more than anything (Nicki Minaj) and some shifted from their roots to songs that accommodated pop trends (Usher). I witnessed Eminem's songs morph from their grimy, vulgar, unparalleled flow to this corny, motivational-speaker ass shit that doesn't have to be edited to be on the radio. Those situations annoy me.

      Even though I have music on my iPhone and I could use Spotify or Pandora, sometimes I get too lazy and listen to music on the radio. Last summer the stations I listened to literally kept the same eight songs in rotation and I wanted to Van Gogh my ears. "Heat Waves" by Glass Animals, "Ghost" by Justin Beiber, "STAY" by Kid LAROI, "As It Was" by Harry Styles, "Bad Habits" by Ed Sheeran, "About Damn Time" by Lizzo, "Bad Habit" by Steve Lacey, and "Vegas" by Doja Cat. Some of them have relatable lyrics and fun beats; I'm sure if I wasn't subjected to that auditory torture, I would even enjoy them. Oh, and don't forget to sprinkle in four Dua Lipa songs that would play in between. 

      I don't know why I hate Taylor Swift so much. I do know she's whined about men the last ten years and that's not respectable to me. It's hard because so has Mariah Carey & I absolutely adore her. But she hits those beautiful high notes and is gorgeous, so that's where the difference lies for me. Maybe I'm still bitter about the 2009 VMAs, which... it's not like she voted for herself to win. But I thought what Kanye did in Beyoncé's defense was admirable. (That is the only time I will say that in connection to his behavior.)

      This is my views on mainstream music, I guess. It's not really something forced upon me with all the streaming services available these days. I still listen to the same songs my dad used to play when he was cleaning his garage and pretending to fix his Bronco, Malboro red 100 dangling out of his mouth. I recently made a playlist of songs I can remember from first grade in Brush, Colorado— the soundtrack to me listening to music in my room being a weirdo or going to the skating rink with my brothers or waiting on the hot cement during the lifeguards' break at the public pool. 

I can relate to it all in one way or another.