5 Ways to Win

       Historically, the recipe for my love has been quite simple. All a man had to do was have some sort of drug addiction, a deplorable sense of style, little to no concern with mature endeavors, poor communication skills, and engage in the most mediocre, vanilla sex imaginable. Check all those boxes and ya girl was smitten. 

       I was in the 8th grade when David asked me on a date to the movies. He was this white boy a grade above me from a nearby town. He played soccer with my older brother and even though I wasn't particularly drawn to him, any iota of attention (or perceived affection) made my stomach titillate like a pavilion full of butterflies. His mom drove us there; I was always afraid of people's parents for no reason at all. I don't remember much besides the wonderful smell of his cologne, the fact that he paid, and the movie was The Bucket List. We didn't kiss. Maybe held hands? We were quiet and didn't get to know each other any better than if we hadn't gone at all, but it was the effort that I admired. I watched entirely way too much tv growing up, leaving me the most romantic gorl there ever was. This first date wasn't anything extraordinary and he didn't end up being the love of my life, though somehow it was still perfect.

       Somehow, over the years, I let my standards use a backhoe to dig a hole to put the bar in. That first time David asked me out, at his ripe age of fourteen, he made all the typical gentleman moves and I enjoyed every second of it. From there on, I was driving 45 minutes to see dudes skateboard, accepting house dates, getting STDs from yucky sluts, and giving free lessons on how to be a better man. If I had a dollar for every time someone I was emotionally invested in respected me, we'd be eating off the dollar menu. It was not a good time.

       In 2018 I found women on Instagram who would change the course of my life. I used to date for love, and let me tell you something, that shits is dead. Let's bring the bride-dowry model back. Between Imani (Actual Black Mermaid), Betsy, and Charlie, I learned that men & romantic love are not the center of the Universe, that men are more often than not misogynists to some degree, and are entirely too spoiled by society and women. I could attest to alladat from my personal past, my homegirls' histories, and sociological studies. They gave me the confidence to demand more, focus on my goals, and know that my boundaries/standards are not negotiable nor up for debate. It's been so fucking liberating.

       I recently ended the best relationship I have ever been in and yet there was still so much room for improvement between the two of us. Despite the random CashApps and fun trips to Dallas and running candle-lit baths where he read me short stories, that didn't override the nagging incompatibility tugging at my heart strings whispering, This isn't it. So moving forward, I gotta up the ante. The bar is now on the roof and I know it's only going to keep getting higher. So what are the five ways to win my heart moving forward 2kforever???

• Need someone who is either in therapy or reads (and applies!!!) self-help books or journals or some shit... some indication that he knows we need to heal from our childhood in one way or another/we live in a terrifying era of history and are traumatized from headlines alone.
• I talk a lot and I'm often all over the place. Nothing gets me wetter than an active listener. I loathe people who interrupt or change the subject as soon as my sentence ends as though what I said floated into the ether and not their ears.
• Love is a verb♡ I need someone who can recommit daily to what we're working towards. Doing any small task that makes my life easier is my jam and ease is what I'm in the business of. Romantic gestures just because and gift giving fuels my soul.
• I have an exigent personality and someone who accepts, nay celebrates, this is a requirement. You gon put up with my relentless songs/memes/thoughts/TikToks all day and then go on that vegan diet for a month because I watched a documentary about it and listen to me repeat the same story I already told you for the third time this week or nah?
• Gotta have a top-notch sense of humor. I'm the silliest there ever was, so watching stand-up comedy or listening to me riff about something absurd I experienced or practicing the choreography to Michael Jackson's Thriller by replaying the music video 86 times is a must. 

“Have enough courage to trust love one more time... and always one more time.” ―Maya Angelou