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       The first time I heard about A Million Little Pieces was in 2006 amid all the allegations that James Frey's self-proclaimed memoir was filled with more falsities than anyone was initially willing to admit. My aunt and mom talked about it after seeing him on The Oprah Winfrey Show. I think my aunt even had a copy.

       The next time I came across this book was my... sophomore? year of high school. I read it in less than a month and was obsessed. There was a lot I identified with; the self-deprecation, the low self-esteem, the overwhelming love he felt when he finally met someone as messed up yet wonderful as he, the defiance. Frey's lack of punctuation & use of repetition & spectacular story arc has inspired me for years; it truly out-weighs any bullshit publicity that tried so desperately to taint its grandeur.

       In the coming years, I'd sporadically reread A Million Little Pieces. Every time I did, because of what I'd experienced or just with age and maturity, I understood him more and more. Around the sixth time through it when I was 26 years old and regularly attended Alcoholics Anonymous, it felt more like a reflection of my own darkness/overcoming than deception. When my man said, "I can feel the weight of my life beginning to drop and I realize why dawn is called mourning," all I could think was, "Been there!" Some other lines I have highlighted:

• "I am alone. Alone here and alone in the world. Alone in my heart and alone in my mind."
• "She is as beautiful a girl as I have ever seen. Her eyes, her lips, her teeth, her hair, her skin. The black circles beneath her eyes, the scars I can see on her wrists, the ridiculous clothes she wears that are ten sizes too big, the sense of sadness and pain she wears that is even bigger."
• "Because I'm fucked up and I'm fucked up really bad. I don't know what happened or how I ever ended up like this, but I did, and I've got some huge fucking problems and I don't know if they're fixable. I don't know if I'm fixable."

       So when I'm asked about a book I love, this one is always in my top three. I am James. He is me. We are we. It's as real and visceral as any other book I enjoy. And if you have an appreciation for an artsy, dark underdog tale, then this is probably your jam too. Come join us.

ps. the 2018 movie did not represent the book well so I will not encourage anyone to watch it. Billy Bob Thornton was an interesting choice for Leonard but Lilly had blonde hair for fuck's sake....