bawdy

 your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it

      Media in the United States of America is the og savage. The hyperfixation of weight has been the frontrunner most recently but in the early forms of tv and print, anyone who wasn't white was deemed inadequate. European beauty standards were ingrained in the American psyche and has rippling effects til this day.

      I was texting this guy last year and we were rating ourselves out of 1-10 in personality and looks. I said,"5 with both. not the best, not the worst." And I mean that shit. I'm not traditionally drop-dead gorgeous. I'm not Issa Rae. And I'm not Taylor Swift either. I'm right in between. 

      I have good things going for me. Can't be completely delusional about that. My skin tone is enviable. I have big brown eyes. When my hair isn't acting up, it can be pretty

      On the flip side: when I get on and am financially comfortable, the first thing I want to do is get rhinoplasty to fix my deviated septum. I want to get liposuction on my tummy and double chin. I would highly consider laser hair removal for my mustache. I'm insecure about my thin lips but fillers will never be in the cards for me. My butt isn't flat but it's also not plump in any desirable way though, again, I'm not a BBL type of bitch so that's just going to be how the dice rolled.

      I used to measure my desirability by pointing how many men were after me but as I've gotten older, I realize men would fuck a ripe peach if the light hit it right. Not much merit there anymore. And confidence only comes from the inside, of course. Like anything, some days are better than others. I try not to wear oversized clothes to hide my body like I've strategically done my entire life. In a slightly secular way, I do believe my body is my temple and I know I've gotta be more gentle with it. I think of this quote often: if you look back at pictures where you were insecure about your body and think you look good, that's because it was never about your body. <3