The Four Agreements

by Don Miguel Ruiz


1. Be impeccable with your word.

2. Don’t take anything personally.

3. Don’t make assumptions.

4. Always do your best.

Assignment #1

Let's say you were in a car with a drunk driver, my probation officer said.
What if you rolled into the ditch... and died.
What would you want your pare— ...mother... to know about you?

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Dear Mama,

    Well... I finally get to see if Atheism was the right choice! Just kidding. I know you're going to be sad, but don't be sad. Life is beautiful. My life was beautiful. You gave me two older brothers/best friends. You gave me all the love in the world. You taught me that you work for your things and to always help anyone in need. We fought a few times, but now you can realize all that was trivial and meaningless in the big scheme of life. What prevails is the optimism and good you shared.
   
    I need you to know that my tresspasses were never your fault. You made the distinction from right and wrong very clear to us. There were a lot of things that contributed to my demise. The books I read, the movies I watched, the places I've been, the people I've surrounded myself with... all my own choices. Despite this, I hope you know I've always had good intentions. Life is too short to be anything but happy. So don't be sad.
I love you to the moon and back.
And back again.

                                            j

tresspass    n.

‣ an unlawful act causing injury to the person, property, or rights of another

‣ committed with force or violence, actual or implied.

About a Lesson

    The reason I turned my back on Christianity is because I couldn't deal with the hypocrisy.

hypocrisy n.

a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles

that one does not really possess.

    Even now, four years after I made that decision, I see it everywhere. Some dumb girl has her Twitter bio as "Christian sinner"..... Am I the only one that knows how stupid that is? Christianity is where you're supposed to follow in the footsteps of this rad dude named Jesus Christ. He promoted sharing, empathy, sacrifice, love, and all those fuzzy things in life. By doing the exact opposite of good and justifying it by, "Oh well! I'll be forgiven anyway!" is not what homeboy envisioned. Anyway, I don't have a problem with Jesus.

    My problem is with egotistical morons that say, "I LOVE JESUS!" and then turn around and degrade other people for their own amusement.

    Okay, so here's the story I just told my dad five minutes ago.

Me: Remember that douche that I told off over Thanksgiving break?

Dad: Uhhh.... no...

Me: The one yelled, "Who ARE you?!" and I tipped his Solo cup and said, "I'm Janessa. Who the fuck are you?!" and he was all hugging the wall like a pansy.

Dad: Oh! Yeah...

Me: Well I ran into him at a party last night. I asked him for the next pong game. Simple, you know? 

And he says, That one's taken. in this shitty voice. and so I said, "Okay I'll take the next one..."

That one's taken, too, he said with a stupid smile on his face.

Little did he know, J.R. (my 6'3'' 260 pound brother) was in the living room a few feet away.

So I go in the living room and get him, and we go into the room where Ass Hat was.

J.R. said, "Hey, I heard you were disrespecting my sister, man."

Ass Hat goes, "What did I say?" with this confused look on his face! *insert laugh here*

J.R. said, "I've heard a few times you've been saying stuff to her."

Retard goes, "Here... let me get someone who knows the story." and he comes back with the owner of the house. The owner goes, "I don't want any fights, so you guys have to go." *insert extreme laughter here*

Dad: Oh jeez... You two are crazy!

Me: You taught us not to take shit from anyone.

Dad: That's right.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

This morning I woke up and saw this Tweet:

And I immediately Tweeted: I'll bring six.

And then I Tweeted: But you'll call your mans and get us kicked out... again.

    We live in a small town, and with my connections, in all honesty, it would take a week for me to find out where this dude lives, slash his tires, and throw a baseball through his mom's window. It could happen. But I had an epiphany when I was going on a walk earlier. He is cute. Like his face. I'm sure a lot of girls want him (before he opens his mouth, of course). And I concluded that I would rather be ugly, poor, and limbless as long as I had a decent heart and followed through with what I say I believe in, than ever be a handsome, hypocritical, condescending wanker.

As my homegirl put it best: 

Don't feel bad for people who have to live with their douche-bag selves. #BadEnough

Ascent

Ascent    n.

movement upward from a lower to a higher state, degree, grade, or status;
advancement

Limpid Love

Limpid     adj.

completely calm;
without distress or worry

About the World

This morning I asked my shy, 11-year-old sister:

"Why don't you go out and meet people?"

"Because," she said.

"the world is a harsh place..."

He Says

"That boy that hurt you,"

my dad said.

"He's going to get what he deserves."

At It Again

Fuckin Kurz

Old-School Hip Hop Playlist

what you know about that?!

1. Return of the Mack ~ Mark Morrison

2. Wanna Be a Baller ~ Lil Troy

3. The Next Episode ~ Dr. Dre

4. Who Am I (What's My Name) ~ Snoop Dogg (not Lion)

5. Ignition (Remix) ~ R. Kelly

6. Poison ~ Bell Biv DeVoe

7. No Diggity ~ Blackstreet

8. Creep ~ TLC

9. Gangster's Paradise ~ Coolio

10. I'm That Type of Guy ~ LL Cool J

11. How Do U Want It ~ 2Pac

12. This Is How We Do It ~ Montell Jordan

13. Tha Crossroads ~ Bone Thugz-n-Harmony

14. Shoop ~ Salt-n-Pepa

15. Too Close ~ Next

16. Regulators ~ Nate Dogg and Warren G

17. Back In the Day ~ Ahmed

18. I Got 5 On It ~ Luniz

19. Still Not A Player ~ Big Pun

20. This Time Around ~ Michael Jackson and Notorious B.I.G.

21. I Wish ~ Skee-Lo

22. No Tears ~ Scar Face

23. Twisted ~ Keith Sweat

24. Buzzin ~ Mann

25. Fantasy (Remix) ~ Mariah Carey and Ol' Dirty Bastard

26. It Takes Two ~ Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock

27. Dr. GreenThumb ~ Cypress Hill

28. Check Yo Self ~ Ice Cube

29. Try Again ~ Aaliyah

30. U.N.I.T.Y. ~ Queen Latifah

when we were hopeful

"I believe in pink. 

I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. 

I believe in kissing... kissing a lot. 

I believe in being { s t r o n g } when everything seems to be going wrong. 

I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. 

I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles."

— Audrey Hepburn

♡ ♡ ♡

Coal's Playlist

1.) Tommy James & the Shondells — Draggin the Line, Crimson and Clover

2.) Jefferson Airplane — White Rabbit, Somebody to Love

3.) Jimi Hendrix — Along the Watchtower, Purple Haze

4.) Bob Dylan — Tambourine Man, Everybody Must Get Stoned, Hurricane

5.) The Doors — Peace Frog, Not to Touch the Earth

6.) Eddie Grant — Electric Avenue

7.) Modest Mouse — Dashboard, Black Cadillac, Ocean Breathes Salty, Wild Pack of Family Dogs

8.) Odd Future Wolf Gang — Pigeons, Transylvania, F666 the Police, Code Ass Beat, Ya Know (The Internet)

9.) Circa Survive — Imaginary Enemy, I Felt Free, Stop the Fuckin Cat, Glorious Nosebleed

10.) Matt & Kim — Daylight, Cameras, Block After Block, Lightspeed

11.) Curren$y — Breakfast, Jets Over Everything

12.) PΔS — Atmosphere, Eyedea, Abilities


Enjoy.

Butterflies

the butterflies want out.

they tickle your tummy

moshing anxiously.

you find yourself

in the heat of the moment

impatiently waiting for someone to make the first move.

because you both want it.

as bad as the most detrimental addiction

you want it.

for lips to brush and hands to touch

you want it.

hurry up,

the butterflies want out.

The Greatest

I believe we can seize this future together, 

because we are not as divided as our politics suggest.

We're not as cynical as the pundits believe.

We are greater than the sum of our individual ambitions 

and we remain more than a collection of red states and blue states. 

We are, 

and forever will be, 

the United States of America.

Barack Obama

Re-election Speech

November 6, 2012

my response:

I Thought I Was Crazy

      At 9 in the morning, I sat down at my usual seat next to this kid from South Town. The teacher had already started class and was writing some crazy problem on the board. She does this at the beginning of every meeting; We go over problems from the previous night's homework. By the time she was done, it looked like this:

2x - 1 = x + 2 √x +3 + 4

(x-5)² = (2 + 2 √x +3 )²

x² - 10x + 25 = 4 (x +3)

x² - 14x + 13 = 0

(x - 13)(x -1) = 0

x = 13 x = -1

    "Is everything okay with that?" Mrs. Meier asked the class. I nodded, when all of a sudden, this short, cute guy that sits up and to the right stands up.

    "Is this what we're doing?" he asked.

    "Yes, we learned this yesterday," Teach replied in a calm voice.

    "Okay," he said, stood up, and put his backpack around his shoulder. "I'm leaving." And he left. Mrs. M gave us a what-the-eff-was-that look and followed him out. I erupted in laughter. That was the funniest thing I had seen in a while.

    "I wish my brother was here to see that," I wheezed through my laughter. Then, like magic, he walked through the door in a haste.

    "Oh my gatos, Marc, the funniest thing ever just happened!" I told him, with a huge smile on my face. I proceeded to tell him about the freak-out episode, and he laughed with me.

    "He's stoned," the dude that sits next to me muttered.

    "Really?!" I said with my eyebrows scrunched and my lips curved upwards.

    "Oh yeah," he scoffed. My ribs were aching at that point, but I couldn't stop laughing.

    Fifteen minutes later, my teacher came back and continued teaching. About twenty minutes later, the kid's face appears in the small, square window on the door. I busted out laughing some more. What the hell was this kid doing? Mrs. Meier walked over to the door.

    "I want to be here," he announced.

    "You made the decision to not be here," Mrs. M replied, still in a mellow tone.

    "You're so mean to me!" he yelled. "Everyone said that we didn't have class yesterday!"

    "Well we did, so I don't know why they said that." He opened the door, and strode to the middle of the room.

    "You all take me for a fool!" he screamed, scanning the class. We made eye contact, and the laughter returned. He turned around and walked into the hallway again. Mrs. Meier followed him with this guy Riley, who is 6'5'' and built well, to escort him back to his dorm. Mrs. M came back to the class, flustered.

    "I'm sorry, my people," she began. "I don't quite know what that was, but I've made an appropriate call and hopefully Riley is okay."

    "If he's not back in 10 minutes, I'm going to look for him," this blonde girl wailed. I exploded with laughter.

    "We should have sent Brooke with him!" I cried. She's 5'1'' and a pretty girl. She started laughing with me and told me to shut up.

    "Okay, my crew, here we go," she stated, and we used the last 20 minutes of class to learn a lesson. This was the best morning of my life.

My Love

The song "Criminal" by Eminem features the line, "My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge/

That'll stab you in the head whether you're a fag or les...Hate fags?/The answer's yes." 

    The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) condemned his lyrics and criticized the album for "encourag[ing] violence against gay men and lesbians". 

    However, writing for the LGBT interest magazine The Advocate, editor Dave White writes:

"If he has gay-bashed you or me, then it logically follows that he has also raped his own mother, killed his wife, and murdered his producer, Dr. Dre. If he's to be taken literally, then so is Britney Spears' invitation to 'hit me baby, one more time'."

  At the ceremony [2001 Grammy Awards], Eminem performed "Stan" in a duet with openly gay artist Elton John playing piano and singing the chorus, as a response to claims by GLAAD and others who claimed his lyrics were homophobic.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marshall_mathers_lp

Fate of the Nation

Facebook post:
Dear Obama
With all the change we were promised I shouldn't have to watch my dad deploy again...
Sincerely,
Another vote for the other guy

Debater 1: 
Then who are you voting for:
The guy who's trying to colonize the moon?
The guy who thinks carbon dioxide is bad for plants?
Or the guy who criticizes Mr. Obama for trying to develop an alternative energy source for gas?


Debater 2:
A. The guy who's trying to colonize the moon (Gingrich) wants the NASA program up again, It's potential colonization.

B. The guy who thinks carbon dioxide is bad for plants (Santorum) made a little mistake mistaking it for green house grass, we all screw up.

C. The guy who criticizes Obama for trying to develop an alternative energy source for gas (Romney) has every right to. Obama also tried to develop a health care plan that failed. His ideas are terrible. Anyone is better than him.
Don't just read the news headlines, actually look further into the details.

Debater 1:
Actually, I watched the speeches, muffin, but way to support the written word. Kudos.

1. We don't need to be in space, anymore. We need to fix Earth first. Also, we don't have anyone to compete with. There's no incentive.

2. If "people make mistakes", then whatever offenses Mr. Obama has against him can be exempt too, right? Your God would agree.

3. A lot of his more legitimate proposals were struck down by the Republicans. No one could agree! Even when they took the House, nothing was accomplished.

Keeping Up with the Shardashians

Me: I'm sorry I said I hope your car flips... that wasn't cool of me...

Guy: Yeah? It was a little uncalled for, and hurt... But I forgive you...
Every now again everyone's bound to say something hurtful that they
don't really mean

Me: I've been trying to help my brother get off crank for almost 2 years
and this dude I started to care about gives it to him in front of me and lies
to me about it. You know how you said I'm better than beating that chick up?
You're better than that nasty stupid shit.

Guy: I didn't give him anything, and that's the first time I've done that shit
in years.  It's not like I do it all the time, and I'm not going to do it again anytime
soon... Sorry your brother was in it. We're both big boys, though, you know.

Me: I don't want anything to happen to you two

Guy: I'm sorry it bothered you so much... It's not going to happen again.
Well, I'm not going to be there.

Me: k


    Ten minutes later, one of my besties posted this on my wall,

    and it made everything so much better.

What Was

MySpace About Me — June 9, 2010

    If this were the 90's, I would be that weird kid who sits at the lunch table all by themself. I've hit rock bottom a few times now, resulting in me leveled out by anti-depressants. I haven't had life's free ride that some people have, but I'm honestly not complaining. I've made more mistakes than I can count, but I've learned a lot as well.

 With that said, I'll tell you a little about me... I'm sixteen years old; a junior in high school. I'm very independent. I'm also very smart and have opinions about a lot of things, but people these days are really shallow and ignorant, so I hardly ever get to talk about worthwhile shit. I'm irritable, brutally honest, and really impatient. I talk a lot of shit, but I can back it up. I'm so cynical that it's ridiculous. I'm Atheist, so don't bring your imaginary friend's name up around me.

 I'm not popular, but I know a lot of people. I don't really listen to other people's negative opinions, because I know everything I am and everything I'm capable of. I'm quick-witted and pretty damn funny when I'm in the mood. The loves of my life are Daniel Tosh and Enrique Iglesias. My heroes are my mom, English teacher, Norma Baker, and Stefani Germanotta. I love watching movies, writing, reading, and listening to music.

 My two older brothers raised me, so I'm a total boy. Most of my friends are guys; that's just how it is. I don't try to look good every day. It's part of my anti-shallow movement. This is me in a nutshell... Have a fuckin problem with it? I don't give a dead moose's last shit.

 I'm one of those people who you think you know,
 but when it comes down to it, you don't know the half it.

I was born with an enormous need for affection,

and a terrible need to give it.

                           ~Audrey Hepburn~

Girl Junk (Do Not Enter)

     My teacher was explaining to the class this morning, "Now, these problems aren't too difficult, but give it some time and it'll get harder." That's what she said. Those jokes are entirely way too easy with a cranium like mine. Later, one of my best friends texted me: 

"I don't have a dirty mind... just a sexy imagination."

    I replied with: Ya, I just have a dirty mind. 

    I've been meaning to send her this playlist I made. It was created because I am the best mix CD maker. Really, though. So don't read this if you've never had your heart broken or wanted to quote "shake it like a salt shaker" endquote.

Love Come Down ~ Evelyn King (1982)

Pocketful of Sunshine ~ Natasha Beddingfield (2007)

Give Me One Reason ~ Tracy Chapman (1995)

Rock With U ~ Janet Jackson (2008)

You da One ~ Rihanna (2011)

I Didn't Mean to Turn You On ~ Mariah Carey (2001)

Glamorous ~ Fergie (2007)

Soldier of Love ~ Sade (2010)

Right Thru Me ~ Nicki Minaj (2010)

Rolling in the Deep ~ Adele (2010)

Red Light Special ~ TLC (1993)

Honey ~ Erykah Badu (2008)

Left of Center ~ Suzanne Vega (1986)

Marvin's Room (Can't Do Better) ~ JoJo (2011)

Let It Go ~ Keyshia Cole featuring Lil Kim and Missy Elliot (2007)

Ex-Factor ~  Lauryn Hill (1998)

Stickwitu ~ Pussycat Dolls (2005)

Like a Boy ~ Ciara (2006)

Irreplaceable ~ Beyoncé (2006)

About Relationships

     Even though I have 18 years of life experience on my resumé, when it comes to relationships, I'm a total n00b. I'm cute and have great qualities, but my parents divorced when I was a year old. I never had an example of how things should or shouldn't be. With that said, during my first fight with my first real boyfriend, I had some questions about what was going on. I turned to one of my best friends, RG, who was also my social studies teacher from 6th to 11th grade. I'll explain more at a later time. Right now, I needed advice from a dude who had dated the same chick since 1995. He's legit.

     So I texted him and asked, "What's the point of a relationship?"

     To which he replied, "Any relationship? Friendship? Or monogamously sexual?"
(monogamy, n. the practice of having only one mate... I didn't know, now you do.)

     "Dating... marriage..." The reply caused a huge smile to appear on my face. It's the small moments in life that make you appreciate it that much more

     "Dating is a test drive. Does this person possess enough positives to outweigh their negatives? Marriage goes against nature. In nature, mammals get with as many healthy partners as they can to propagate their own genetic line. But in polite society, marriage serves at least three functions.

1. 'This woman's children are all mine, so I know MY children will inherit MY stuff.'
2. Less violence in society because generally people accept that married people are unavailable.
3. Monogamy is a statement between two people that says, 'You mean so much to me, I'm perfectly happy to limit my gene pool and cease all sexual encounters with all others.'"

"I don't know what purpose my boyfriend serves. A friend you have sex with? Or am I actually supposed to trust him and tell him stuff about my life? Do I treat him like I do my brothers? Can I piss him off or do I keep walking on egg shells to constantly please him? This is more complicated than I envisioned..."

     "The sex should come after you're seriously considering a purchase (read marriage). Don't trust him with your secrets until you trust him with your heart, and he trusts you with his heart and secrets. Piss him off and test for reaction. Is he a bitch? How big of a bitch? There is too much, but there's also not enough. Be yourself if you're proud of who you are. If you're not proud of you, be better... while still not being someone you're not. Easy enough!?!"

     I didn't respond. What could I have said? He layed a lot on me. I needed time to ponder.

These Things

     I was pretty surprised when Cordell called me and asked me to go to Sterling with him, his girlfriend, and Dillon to get weed. I hadn't hung out with them in months because I had been working a lot. I found it ironic how he called me on the only day I got off early. I told him that I would go. I sped home to straighten my hair and get cute. They pulled up an hour later and I ran outside feeling like a dime.
     "We have to go back to Sidney," Cordell said when I got in. "We have to take Jenny home."

     "Okay, cool," I replied. Then Cordell and Dillon started up on some crazy conversation. I whispered to Jenny, "They're kind of annoying when they're together, huh?" Her mouth bunched up to the left of her mouth and she waved her hand sideways with her palms facing downward. I just smiled even though I was annoyed. I hate when I put myself out there to start a conversation and the other person makes no effort. Instead, I gave Cordell a CD I made and told him to play it.

     If you needed to know anything about me, I would have to say it would be my obsession with music. I love every aspect about music. I research artists, genres, eras when certain music was created, song lyrics meanings, attend concerts when I can, admire album compositions— I love music. So I made a CD for our trip that day.

"Birthday Cake" by Rihanna and Chris Brown
"Pumped-Up Kicks" by Foster the People
"My Wife, My Bitch, My Girl" by Tech N9ne
"Invented Sex" by Trey Songz
"Fuck You Right Here" by Erk the Jerk
"Sure Thing" by Miguel
"Dance (A$$) Remix" by Big Sean and Nicki Minaj
"Strange Clouds" by B.o.B and Lil Wayne
"Retrogression" by Tech N9ne
"Quickie" by Miguel
"Sweat" by Bow Wow
   There are more but I don't remember them. Cordell and Dillon were initially being assholes: skipping good songs that I deliberately asked them to let play and making fun of me. We dropped off the girlfriend. The planned changed by then. We rode on a desolate highway that led directly 24 miles to Chappell. When it was just us three, tension eased off my shoulders. Although the girlfriend and I have had problems in the past, I'm cool with her now. (I think we are, anyway.) At the same time, I can't act myself around random girls like I can with my boys.
   "You're not a bitch, exactly," Cordell was explaining to me. "You can be a bitch."
   "Yes, you can," Dillon confirmed. I scowled at him but he was in the passenger seat and I was in the back seat so he missed it.

   "I mean, if I was talking about you to someone, I wouldn't say, 'She's a bitch'," Cordell continued.

   "And anyway, you're our bitch," Dillon added. "Wait...that didn't come out right." He turned around with an anxious look on his face and it made me laugh.

   "I smell what you're steppin' in," I said, so he would relax. I really did understand what he meant. I could be confrontational and unrelenting, but they wouldn't let anyone else give me shit for it. We messed around the rest of the trip, but got our game faces on when we arrived at the house.

   I liked the guy who we visited, for the most part, anyway. When they were talking and something that was said that caught my attention, I would be like, "What was that?" But everyone would just continue their conversation like I was fucking Casper or something. I began to get annoyed so I just pouted until we left.

   I don't remember much of the ride back. I was quite stoned and flustered and all that applies. I was plotting to never talk to Dillon again. He was rubbing me the wrong way and my bullshit tolerance just so happened to have peaked. We pulled up to the gas station that I parked my car at. As I was getting out, Dillon held out his hand. We looked each other in the eye and there was this inexplicable magnetic force that surged through those green eyes and fluttered its way into my brown ones. I put my hand in his and he squeezed it, like this 5-second hand-holding action. A bright, bubbly feeling formed in my stomach and I got butterflies. I smiled inside. He cares about me. I got out of the car, hugged Cordell, and strode to my car feeling accomplished.

Kids

    "Man, I feel like money! They attracted to me!" I belted out as she crossed the school parking lot. I watched the long, black hair belonging to best friend swing back and forth as I continued my song.
    "Stop attracting attention to us," CP said through a smile. The late bell rang only seconds before and she was flustered because she actually had a class. Stoned and buzzin' off a cigarette, I didn't care much. I was only a teacher's assistant for the middle school library. Things were on my side for once.
    "I feel like honey! 'Cause I'm fly like a bee!" I wailed. "Wait...that's not right..." I looked up to see this ogre-ish dude that went to my school. He coned me a few weeks ago at work so he was on my shit list. That's when someone orders an ice cream cone in the drive-thru just to grab it and throw it into the window of the restaurant. Someone offered to have him "taken care of" but I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. The ogre might actually think he mattered.
    "It's they come around like honey 'cause I'm fly like a bee," CP said in a hasty voice. I smiled at her even though she wasn't facing me because I appreciated my friend.
    We went to CP's house for lunch that day. Her boyfriend was recently let go from his job so he was be home. They liked spending every second they could together, so we went to see him. CP told me a story about how her man jacked a piece from Smoker Friendly when they were there a few days before. It had glitter on the top and the glass would change the more it was used. I didn't have any weed and I was feigning. Thankfully, when I didn't have any, they did.
    They sat next to each other on their bed and I sat down in front of their dresser so I could face them. He was being irritable but it was amusing me. For example, he wanted his cigarettes, so he had to go down stairs and get them.
    "If the car is locked, I'm going to freak the fuck out," he said.
    We smoked one bowl, and only when her boyfriend had the second one loaded did we realize it was time to go back to school. CP had to make a call to her sister, so her man and I power-chiefed while she babbled away. When it was gone, we ran down a flight of stairs and hopped in her car. As we sped to the school, CP got a cigarette out and lit it. I wanted to intensify my high, so I took one too, even though I was tobacco: off.
    CP rushed off to her class and I went to mine. I went to the administration building to get mail for the library. As soon as I got the newspaper, I looked at the Wuzzles, my horoscope, and the comic strips. My horoscope read:
You're an important member of your community, even when all you're doing is spreading good will with the decency of your cheerful smile. Friendly faces will be everywhere you go today.
    I have been friendly to everyone today, I thought. I don't revolve my whole day around astrology, but I do feel it had some truth to it.
    I refer to the Universe as my deity. I stopped believing in Christianity when I was 15. I'm a rather self-centered person. With that, I could never worship someone who's supposed to be almighty. I can't bring myself to respect someone that allows rape, abuse, and all the ugliness in the world. I wasn't completely ignorant; I studied religions. I have other reasons, too, that I don't think I'm going to include here.
    I delivered the mail and was still feeling a head-change, so I sat down at a computer to get my thoughts out. I was surrounded by eighth-grade boys. Fuck my life. I started typing and felt one of them reading over my shoulder.
    "'Man, I feel like money! They attracted to me!' I belted out as I crossed the school parking lot. I watched the long, black hair of my best friend swing back and forth...." he read out loud.  I looked over at him and he gave me a weird look.
    "I have other stories about sex and stuff if you want to read those," I said, looking at him straight in the eye. I hate when people read my unfinished work. Moreover, I hate naïve kids who think they're cool by exposing my thoughts. I winked at him and his faced turned six shades of red. He shook his head and turned back to his computer.
   "That's what I thought," I whispered.

Debacle

I want to name my first two kids Juno and Jupiter.

Whichever is first will be given the evident nickname "Ju".

But they can't both be Ju, so the second with have to resort to "Anne Frank".

How I Knew, Pt. 2

    The only times he doesn't text me back is if he's asleep or if he's talking to another girl. And at this moment, I knew he wasn't asleep. I tried to convince myself so vehemently that it wasn't the latter, but I knew.
Text: JB might not join us tonight. He's taking Piper to the movies.
    Oh my gatos, my heart ached. What made that pain worse was my self-loathing because I still cared about him so much. I got that text when I was getting into a van for an hour- long trip home. That much time for thinking needs to be illegal. He fucking forgave her... This guy is almost pathetic as me!
Me: Are you going to talk all the way home?
Girl: Why? Do you want me to?
Me: I want your headphones.
   The back two rows of girls erupted in laughter. I was trying to be cool because we had won a basketball game a few hours earlier and I was very proud of them. But it was sulking time for me and I deserved it.
Girl: Oh! The left ear is louder than the right one and my little brother tore off the padding around the bud.
   I just let out a giggle and pushed them in so I could drown out the world. Usually, when I'm sad I like to listen to rock. "Uneasy Hearts Weigh the Most" by Dance Gavin Dance was what my fingers were drawn to first.
To feel her touch,
it's almost impossible to hold still.
maybe we could go back to,
the way it was.
Well, at least let me love you the same.
    Beautifully sung and so full of meaning. I immediately wanted to text Scotty. Did he know the story? What's the shortest way to explain? I started typing a text that said, "So this Piper bitch from Oga and JB stopped talking because she kissed another guy when she was drunk..."
    I deleted it all. He doesn't need to be hearing about unimportant matters like so. He has his own worries, which he still needs to tell me about.
    I spent four and a half days away from my boys and I thought about them every second. Anything and everything related back to them. They always make my cares drift away and right now I need one monstrous care to be taken away. I would approach Scotty on the subject if it came around, but I wouldn't prioritize it.
    When we got to the school, I sped to the House. I ran across the yard of the neighbor's duplex and skipped up the stairs. I pushed past two doors and there they were: just as I had left them. Penguin was sitting in the recliner closest to the door, Brown and JB were sitting on the couch, and Matt was playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3.
    "Is Scotty here?" was the first thing I said in flushed manner as I closed the door.
    "Wow!" Penguin exclaimed. "All you care about is Scotty. You don't say hi to anyone else, you always just go straight for Scotty. If you're not here to see anyone else, then don't bother coming here at all." The whole house grew silent. All you heard were the machine-gun rounds from the game. I didn't say anything either, but I did walk around the furniture and settle on a recliner across the room.
    "Can we go do this now?" I asked Brown. "I'm sad."
    "Swag," was all he replied with, and then we went downstairs.
    "When's JB leaving?" I asked as I took a deep hit off of my pipe.

    "I guess he's not going anymore. Piper stood him up," he said.
    I don't think celebrating people's misfortunes is appropriate except for sometimes. She stood him up! I just spent an hour fuming over nothing. In some sense, I consider this karma, but on the other hand, no one wants to see the person they love in pain. We smoked a bowl or two and retreated back upstairs. When I got into the living room, I walked straight to Penguin's recliner and climbed onto his lap.

    "I don't only care about Scotty," I whispered, in a soothing voice. "It's just that he's hurting, too, and understands more."

    "That's not true," he said.
    "He forgave her, didn't he?" I asked solemnly.
    "Who? Piper?" he inquired a bit too loud for liking, but I nodded. "I guess."
    "Do I have to hurt him before he cares about me?"
    "Yes." I rested on him silence for a few minutes. I hoisted myself up and grabbed a Black & Mild to smoke.