OBH

 

            In June 2021, age 27, I was admitted to Oceans Behavioral Hospital for suicidal ideation. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 15 years old and later with bipolar disorder type 1 when I was 25 years old. Although I have manic episodes, I have mostly leaned on the depressed side. With that said, it was both surreal and therapeutic to go to Oceans in 2024 as a medical professional. I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous how important it is to share my experience, strength, and hope with others, and I feel like my past experiences have put me in a position to show anyone who struggles with mental illness that not only can they persevere, but that there’s a life worth living on the other side.

            I remember writing down the inspirational sayings around the pods when I was admitted. I did it to be facetious, because I was in such a dark place mentally that I felt they were insulting us. I liked to pour salt on my wounds; I didn’t want to have to stare at optimistic decor during group therapy or down time. Today I wrote down the quotes I saw, and they sing such a different tune three years later. A white board in Pod B read: “There is hope, even when your brain tells you there isn’t.” Right below it in the same black dry erase marker said, “Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are.” I have definitely struggled with trying to impress others, and it’s so incredibly draining. In another pod, there are sayings like “you are never too old to set a new goal or to dream a new dream” and “it’s never too late to be what you might have been”. I felt a renewed sense of positivity seeing them.

            Taped to the nurse’s room door is a daily schedule for the clients. For the first four hours of the day, it reads: journaling/meditation, breakfast, smoke break, phone, life skills group, snack/smoke, activity therapy, group therapy, and lunch. Adhering to a schedule is effective for those who have disorganized thinking to create a more stable and intentional way of spending their time.

            To get better insight into the clients’ history, I invited them into a secluded pod to ask them questions. I feel like removing distractions and noise would promote privacy as well as comfort for them to share their story. AC is a 24-year-old Hispanic male who was admitted 10 days ago by emergency detention and order. He described an altercation he experienced with his fiancé, who is 10 years his senior. When asked how long they’ve known each other, he says they met when he got out of prison (for unauthorized use of a motor vehicle) in September 2022. He stated she broke off their engagement four days before his admission due to his continued methamphetamine use. She left the residence they shared and he couldn’t find her, however, four days later, he arrived at the residence and she was there. An argument ensued where he raised his voice and, according to him, she grabbed a knife to protect herself from him. He states he wrapped her in a bear hug to calm her down and get the knife from her. When he released her from the hold, she ran out of the home across the street claiming he was trying to stab her. AC stated, “I’d rather die than go to jail for something I didn’t do.” He proceeded to hang himself in the bedroom closet in an attempt to commit suicide, where Abilene Police found him and cut him down. The client states he lost consciousness and awoke to the police standing over him.

            AC admits to using methamphetamine off and on since he was 13 years old, and he currently injects it intravenously. He divulged his father has been clean of methamphetamine for 10 years. He says he has not had been steadily employed since his release from prison, though he earns money from odd jobs like mowing lawns. When asked how he feels, he replied, “I feel good now. I’ve done a lot drugs and it takes a toll on my soul. I get real incoherent.” AC states that he is not persistently suicidal; the act was merely a culmination of the relationship and his altered mental status from methamphetamine. This is consistent with Medical-Surgical Nursing: Concepts and Practice as it explains, “A substance use disorder is considered if, within a 12-month period, the individual repeatedly demonstrates symptoms such as failure to meet usual obligations, creates danger to self or others, has legal problems, or has poor interpersonal relationships because of substance use. (Stromberg, 2023, p. 1113)” When asked what goals he has, AC includes stay on his medication and to “put the needle down”.

            DS is a 37-year-old Caucasian male who says he is from Tennessee. When asked how long he’s been at Oceans, he replied, “Close to three weeks now.” His appearance is disheveled, and he doesn’t stand still for prolonged periods of time. When asked if he has family in Texas, he replied, “I ain’t got no family… not no more. They were hunted down the last few years. I’m the sole survivor. Same with my three daughters.” Although his speech is clear, the language is delusional. For example, DS stated, “I have a special genome the rest of my family didn’t. People say I glitch and that’s when I cross between the veil of this world and purgatory. I am a descendent of an ancient Sumerian tribe.” Upon reading his chart, I found out he was also admitted by emergency detention and order as he was found waving a machete in traffic. DS claimed he was addressing a man and said he would cut the man’s head off if he was harming children. The police reported there was no one with him. Due to his homicidal ideation and schizoaffective-bipolar diagnosis, the police transported him to Oceans.

            During the life skills group, Toni, LMSW, distributed a worksheet titled “Self-Management Action Plan” and encouraged the clients to participate in answering the questions as a group. The first question reads: “One way I want to better manage my health is…” The first man said, “Eat better.” She agreed and expounded on the benefits of nourishing the body with nutritious food throughout the day. A client acknowledged her point by admitting he only eats once a day when he’s at home. The next person said, “Take medication.” She emphasized medication compliance as the top priority for managing health since nothing else can fall into place if the mind isn’t functioning properly. Toni explained, "It takes 30 days to create a good habit and 1 day to break a good habit. It takes about 6 months to break a bad habit." I think of my past drug use & toxic behavior and I don't tell the room sometimes it takes people 15 years.

            Overall, I had a great day at Oceans Behavioral Hospital from a clinical perspective. Being in the middle unit, I was exposed to several clients who experience mood disturbances, psychotic delusions, substance abuse, and manic episodes. My clinical assignment was at the inpatient hospital though Oceans also has a separate building where the clients can go for follow-up treatment. I’m proud Abilene offers these mental health resources, and I'm also proud of the version of myself who gets to show up like this in the world now.