Sunday, October 21, 2018

M

my parents divorced when I was young
a freshly planted flower hadn't even sprung
act up, catch a licking without a tongue
you feel me? feel he got his liberty bell rung
speak about getting spanked to remind thee
that's just how life was back in the Nineties
play hide-and-seek hopin' they don't find me
mom, dad, I'm sorry, stop hitting my heinie
dad had his alcohol, mom anti-depressants
all they both wanted was for the pain to lessen
through them I learned my most valuable lesson
bottled-up emotions lead to aggression
my mother raised me & my father paid child support
wasn't by choice, though, he was ordered by the court
father feels like his dues are paid and he's done enough
money might buy happiness but it's no replacement for love

what's my purpose in life? been asking since my creation
acting on how you feel puts the "sin" in sensation
if you can dream, you can achieve it–use your imagination
one step at a time; can't feast without preparation
sometimes things are out of my hands like levitation
but life goes on with zero hesitation
asking when they're getting back together since their separation
a broken home isn't the end; it's the start of a new foundation

a decade has passed since that's how I felt
I've accepted everything for what it was, including myself
the cherry on top was: it wasn't good for my health
livin' in a fantasy world, my emotions in constant stealth
'cause you have to see it to believe it; didn't believe emotion exists
didn't go to the extreme of my sister and cut my wrists
lookin' back at the Land Before Time: Journey Through the Mist
I've come a long way, but some things are unclear and missed
when was my dad gone? how long had he been there?
I know his absence made for a very long winter
my emotions have always had a sign telling me not to enter
never craved attention; my siblings could be the center

—Marcus Garvin

Wednesday, October 17, 2018

What Iz II

...15 now. Angst Steady Rising™.

Driving down the road, hurting, thinking of you. And nothing but you.
Some may think I’m drunk, but the only thing I’ve been drunk off is your love.
You make me hurt and cry and I think this is the end. Should I swerve over the yellow line and risk both of our lives and more, or should I drive over the white and crash into a tree?

The tree would embrace me more than you do, and then maybe I would feel happy and loved and free.
Maybe I should drive over this bridge and get swallowed by a whole new habitat.

I don’t know how but by the end, I will die.

Driving 29 over, running lights, not thinking, ruining other people's lives.
(Like you did mine that night) I stop,
run out the car, look over a cliff and jump, but not my body… my soul.
I fly off the edge and crash and burn, roll in the weeds, crushed.
I’m crushed and my soul’s gone
I told you something would die